I'm lying. Is it weird that I actually do feel different? I feel revived, refreshed, rejuvenated (in that order). Maybe it's only because I don't have to go to work today. A whole day to myself for blogging, doing laundry, selling stuff on ebay, and possibly thrifting.
I never really believed in New Years' resolutions until this year. I think I was just floating along, dazed and confused for most of my life. Eat less chocolate? Quit smoking? I don't think so. I'm not a smoker, and I'm not turning my whole year into Lent. Plus, self-imposed rules seem generally unhealthy to me. You've got to treat the disease, not the symptoms.
I always have the vague goal in mind that I should be a better person (doesn't everyone?), but it was not until a few years ago that I concretized what that meant for me. I'm not seeking to be a "better" person by giving more or being kind (although sometimes those things are included). Rather than better, I'm trying to be more complete. I'm scaling Maslow's triangle -- working on hang ups, limitations, fears, whatever --and trying to figure things out in this mad mad world, which by the way, I'm totally in love with. It's strange how much I really love the world and being in it. You feel me?
On to resolutions:
1. The biggest challenge I've set for 2009 is to become less emotionally withdrawn without turning into a basketcase. For me this is a fine line which I 've never been able to walk successfully. I think Gabe will be good for this one.
2. Be brave. This is pretty much my everyday mantra, but I'm expanding upon it for 2009. I have to figure out what it is that I want, go for those things, and not take no for an answer. It's the last part that I always fail at. Well, I don't fail so much as I don't even think about it, probably because I am too afraid or tend to translate negative responses into feelings of undeservedness. Um yeah, don't do that. Surprisingly, my role model and mentor for this part is going to be MattBry. He doesn't know that. But, damn, how does he always seem to get what he wants? He's the reason I work at Urban now.
3. Don't fall into uneven relationships, friends or otherwise, where I'm giving more than I get. I suppose this problem could be fixed by being more generous and not expecting too much, but the point is that I'm trying not to be a doormat. So I'll have to be assertive, which means establishing my needs and making sure that they are met. See #2.
4. Look good naked. Look good clothed, too.
Was that all a little too serious?