I had to do it. I had to go private and disappear for a while. Sorry, folks.
I recently gained insight into why I’ve been hating on this blog. The main reason is because I felt that it turned into something that wasn’t me. It seems so obvious now, but for the past year or so, I’ve been a blogging funk. A lot of that had to do with my move to NYC, being surrounded by wildly successful people, people who came here because they wanted things just like I did. And their dreams seemed to be coming true, almost effortlessly, while I interned and slaved away for the most meager of perks. What exactly was I doing wrong?
I became so concerned about what my blog should be and how it could lead to future jobs (which are so scarce right now) that I lost track of what I loved about it in the first place. I studied blogs as a product; I attended conferences, I collected advice and I doled it out just as easily. As it turns out, the very thought of monetizing and capitalizing on what is essentially me, my own self, my blog, was enough to ruin whatever (non-monetary) value it once had.
I thought about giving it up. I thought about it a LOT. I toyed with the idea of getting a new name and moving to WordPress (turns out I’m too uncreative to come up with another suitable name). All the while I was worried that abandoning this blog would cost me my small, but awesome group of followers. Even more grotesquely I thought, “I need to keep this up so I can put it on my resume.” And that's when I realized that that was the whole problem.
In the end, it all came back to the pressure to do something with my blog and turning that success into being something in real life. If there's anything that gypsy craft night reminded me of, it's that I don’t have to be anything!
I’m good enough, right now, just as I am.
After mulling over the options for the past few weeks, I've decided to stick with it. Mostly because I couldn't settle on a name I liked, but also because I don't think it's necessary to throw the baby out with the bath water (and this is definitely my baby!). I don't need a new blog; I just need a new perspective.
So, I’m releasing the pressure to live up to the glory days of AGD, whenever that was. The truth is that it’s only become a hindrance to all the growth I should be welcoming in my life. New York City moves fast, and I've got to move with it.
Let’s try this again.